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Archives

Debate Sunday, April 26, 2009 |

For a long time, I have debated in my head the conflict between relationships and standards. I was talking to a random person in my college about it. I posed all my questions to him and he tried to answer all my questions. 

Did I find my answer? 

I will say that I feel a lot at peace and I understood what the conflict is about. Sometimes it is very important to understand the root of the conflict. 

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Mozart Wednesday, April 22, 2009 |

Mozart's Requiem begins with you walking towards a huge pit. The pit is on the other side of a precipice, which you cannot see over until you are right at its edge. Your death is awaiting you in that pit. You don't know what it looks like or sounds like or smells like. you don't know whether it will be good or bad, You just walk towards it. Your will is a clarinet and your footsteps are attended by all the violins. The closer you get to the pit, the more you begin to have the sense that what awaits you there will be terrifying. Yet you experience this terror as a kind of blessing, a gift. Your long walk would not have meaning were it not for this pit at the end of it. You peer over the precipice: a burst of ethereal noise crashes over you. The choir. The choir is a the heavenly host and simultaneously the devil's army. It is also every person who has changed you during your time on this earth: your many lovers; your family; your enemies. The job of this choir is judgment. The men sing first, and their judgment is very severe. And when the women join in there is no respite, the debate only grows louder and sterner. For it is a debate- you realize it now. The judgment is not yet decided. Not yet. 

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Short Happiness Saturday, April 18, 2009 |

I lost my pen.
I don't have my charcoal pencils. 

Park at Pleasure! Thursday, April 9, 2009 |

The happiness that a good ink pen stores within itself is immeasurable. It is as if you are writing with your heart rather than your hand. All you want to do is write and write and write....

A Parker Ink Pen recently came into my possession. I filled it with black ink. I prefer black ink over blue. Black is bolder and serious. Blue is more playful and nostalgic. 

Now, I am going to acquire a small notebook with clear paper. 

And I am going to write and write and write..... 

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Fallen Short Tuesday, April 7, 2009 |

It hurts. 

I still remember my excitement when I saw my 5th years coming back from an exchange. Since then I had harboured a desire to go for an exchange. You can say it was a little boy's dream. Over the years the desire only strengthened  when I learned about these foreign universities and their methods of teaching. 

I have a chance to go for an exchange to the top school in Canada. I was selected on the basis of my last year's GPA which was considerably higher than my current GPA. However, it comes at a great cost. If I go, I will miss a probably important internship and 16 credits to pull my GPA. I decided not to go since I could go in my 5th year as well. 

But then an extremely vital fact crawled in my slow brain. I can't go in my 5th year. I can't go because my GPA for this year has dropped below the cut-off mark. It comes as a shocking reality. 

For a long time I craved to be judged absolutely and not relatively. One time it is being done and I have fallen short of the crossing line. I truly have fallen. In my 4th year there are few external circumstances which stop me from going but in my 5th year I will not be able to go because of an internal handicap. I reach the finishing line and I am confronted with a NO ENTRY SIGN. Reminds me of Kafka. 

Strange na my friend. After a long time, you were asked to show what you were worth irrespective of what other's worth are. And yet, you came really short. 

It is a joke. And yes, it hurts. :) 


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Lady Starlight Friday, April 3, 2009 |

Walking through a winter night,
Counting the stars
And passing time
I dream about the summer days,
Love in the sun
And lonely bays

I see the stars, they're miles and miles away
Like our love,
On one of these lonely winter nights

Dreaming through a winter night,
Memories of you are passing by
It seems to me like yesterday
I think you knew I couldn't stay

I see the stars, they're miles and miles away
Like our love
Lady starlight, help me to find my love
Lady starlight, help me tonight
Help me to find my love

Walking through a winter night,
Counting the stars
And passing time
Snow dances with the wind
I wish, I could be with you again

I see the stars, they're miles and miles away
Like our love
Lady starlight, help me to find my love
Lady starlight, help me tonight
Help me to find my love

Lady starlight, help me tonight
Help me to find my love

Lady starlight, help me tonight
Help me to find my love

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